Life Balance

Life Balance

You’ve heard me say it before: living in the hustle and bustle and non-stop climbing culture of the DMV has a profound impact on one’s life. There is a constant pressure to one-up yourself, to compare your successes, and to prove yourself beyond proof.

In some twisted way, the whirlwind of thoughts and “to-do” lists that swirl and scream and snowball in our minds are a comfort. They make us feel safe, and needed, and important. They squash any sense of guilt that can occur when we compare ourselves to peers who are also moving at lightning speed (which is 99.99% of the DMV population). They give us a reason to block out and to procrastinate on the things that are truly important because deep down, we are terrified of failing. The abyss of “to-do’s” keeps us feeling victorious and they allow us a warped sense of security in pausing our overall life progression.

And because it gives us the temporary fix of feeling safe and secure and fulfilled, it becomes an addiction. We become numb and well-oiled machines who go through the motions of what works and what gives us this fix. The addiction of being overworked completely takes over to the point where we cannot imagine living a well-balanced life. We ignore all thoughts of true progression because hey, we are doing SO much now and doing it SO efficiently…if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!

But the problem is, this lifestyle choice is ‘broke’. We run ourselves ragged and force our bodies and minds to push down and pull up all at once. We create anxieties and stressors and pressures that really have no place in our lives.

I know that pretty much everyone says this about their dad but, I can honestly and confidently say that my dad is the wisest (and most patient) man I’ve ever met. And I’ve met a few wise ones. I called him once in absolute hysterics. It was right before I graduated from my doctoral program and had just accepted my third job. I called him with a racing mind because I had just seen an online forum about a degree in administration. I had to do it. But I also had to get a second doctorate in psychology because…well because I HAD to. I was out of sorts trying to figure out how to balance three jobs, two graduate degree pursuits, and have time to take my dog for our evening walks.

“Stop. You’re panicking.”

Panic.

That word rung in my head. He was right. Although I was balancing three careers, the prospect of doing so without the all-night study sessions and due dates, set me in an absolute panic. The idea of not running myself completely to the ground, to adding more pressure than I could handle, was more than I could handle.

My smarty pants dad with his simple, but completely profound point.

That conversation led me to reassess my priorities, habits, and lifestyle. I stepped back and reflected on the big picture as opposed to this rat race game that we play.

And what did I figure out?

We need to break our addiction. We need to stop the panic. We need to find our own healthy and satisfying life balance.

Here are a few ways that I found my personal balance:

1. Take an inventory of your life.

Step outside of the expectations and the perceptions of what you think others hold you to. Look at your life, through your lens. What do you truly value? What brings you joy? What makes you feel fulfilled? What matters in the long run? What does “balance” mean to you?

Perhaps write out your life priorities, goals, and values on index cards, then arrange them from most to least important. Then reflect on whether or not these priorities, goals, and values are being met. If so, how? How often?

2. Practice mindfulness.

Stop, notice, and breathe. Be in the present moment and clear your mind of all unnecessary clutter. Just a few daily mindfulness minutes could do wonders. Rachael Kable’s site is my ultimate go-to for all things mindfulness.

3. Exercise.

Do yoga. Go for a walk. Join a hiking club. Train for a marathon! The more you move, especially out in nature or with others, the better you will feel, the clearer your mind will be, and the more productive you will be in what is truly important.

4. Play.

The work will always be there but, what is life without a little fun? Don’t look back years from now and regret the fact that you never allowed yourself time to play and to enjoy a beautiful life.

5. Bullet journal.

Organize your mind. Make lists and plans and write it all out. That will help you keep your time and plans in check.

6. Make time for you. You need to recharge.

7. Set limits and boundaries.

They call it a “9 to 5” for a reason. Sure, a few overtime hours every once in a while is necessary but, it is not necessary on a consistent basis. If you find yourself working nights and/or weekends on a routine basis, it’s time to revisit your time management skills, your priority list, and maybe to have a chat with the big wig at work.

8. Set realistic schedules and manage your time well.

9. Continuously reflect on the big picture.

10. Let go.

Don’t be afraid of failing in the more laid back portions of life. Let go of the worries and anxieties about being seen as less-than a go-getter and a work-o-holic. If anything, people will admire your ability to know when to quit and your understanding of self and balance.

11. Be social.

Have friends outside of work, the carpool, and social media. Get out and enjoy people!

12. Turn off the devices.

When you’re not at work, you’re not at work. That is your time for self, for family, for relaxation, for fun. Our device dependence only perpetuates the addiction to being overworked. Turn them off. Don’t feed the addiction.

13.  Sleep.

You know what the studies say, so follow the research-based proof!

14. Plan for time to relax.

Use tools to manage your time and be sure to make some relaxation time a priority in your day.

15. Take it one step at a time.

Don’t drown yourself in the worries of ten thousand tasks. Prioritize. Take things day-by-day, hour-by-hour. Baby steps. When you break down tasks into more manageable ones, you don’t send your mind into overload and crash-mode.

16. Say “no”.

Just say no. Stop being a “yes” man/woman and only take on the tasks that you truly want to take on. People will respect you more if you do, and you will feel lower levels of stress & higher levels of empowerment. 

17.  Care for your body.

Follow doctor’s orders-eat right, exercise, get enough sleep, and keep up with your doctor’s appointments. Caring for and loving yourself is a crucial piece of maintaining your own life balance.

18. Do YOU. Not what you think is expected of you. It’s your life and no one else’s.

KJM Counseling

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